Peridot’s Human Adventures
by WhereismyDoNuT
Summary: Peridot learns the ways of human society in a strange and unethical way. Upcoming chapters, please be patient!


Peridot looked at this strange object, then looked at Steven. "Steven... this... looks like something that..." She froze up. Her face grimaced so much that Steven tried hard not to laugh. "Peridot, what is it?" She looked at Steven and sighed heavily. "Steven, this granola bar looks like something that... came out of a..." Peridot sighed again. "Something that came out of a... human's rear end. _There_. I said it." Steven couldn't keep it in any longer and bursted out with laughter. "Peridot! It's not _poo_ , it's a food!" Peridot frowned. "Are you sure the manufacturers aren't tricking you into eating your own faeces?" She poked it with her finger, but quickly refrained and pulled her finger away. "Ergh, why do you humans eat this? It looks unappetising." Amethyst walks up to them and greets the pair. "Hey guys— ooh, what's this?" Peridot looked at Amethyst with great horror. "Amethyst, I'm going to have to warn you not to touch this... _granola bar._ It could be the waste of a sort of creature." Steven facepalmed at Peridot's warning, and Amethyst stared at the granola bar with wonder and laughs. "Peridot, I've eaten poo before. Don't worry!" Peridot and Steven quickly turned to Amethyst, and Steven pulled off a horrified expression. "Amethyst, you _what?!_ ", said Steven and Peridot in perfect unison. Amethyst made a confused expression. "What, aren't I allowed to eat it?"

Pearl and Garnet warped back to the temple after retrieving new plates for the kitchen. Pearl looked up at Garnet with a nervous look. "I hope Amethyst doesn't eat these plates, I really don't like having to purchase new ones." Garnet was about to say something when her body became disfigured. "Garnet! What is it?" Garnet was unable to respond and unfused. Sapphire rushed outside, while Ruby looked up at Pearl, pinching her nose. "There's this stench somewhere..." said Ruby, and then she quickly ran outside to catch up with Sapphire. Pearl sniffs, then quickly perks up. "This smell... where do I remember it from?" Pearl thought about it for a second, then a memory quickly rushed back to her. "It smells like Peridot when she locked herself in the bathroom!" She sniffed a little bit more, trying to track down the scent.

Steven was still trying to prove to Peridot that the granola bar was definitely not poo, and was still disgusted by the fact that Amethyst had once eaten poo before. "Yo Peridot, if you want, I can grab a... comparison. Ya know, to prove that this _isn't_ poo." Peridot shuddered at Amethyst's egregious offer. "Amethyst, if you bring me a comparison—" Steven cut off Peridot and pointed in the direction of the temple. "Is that... Ruby and Sapphire?" The three of them watched as two figures ran towards them. They laughed as Ruby tried to catch up to Sapphire's speed. Sapphire ran up to Steven, and stopped right in front of him, startling Steven. "Steven, there is a terrible scent in the temple." Amethyst looked at Sapphire nervously, so in an attempt to not look guilty, she made a joke. "I bet the scent is called _'Eu de toilette'._ " Everyone facepalmed, and Amethyst laughed nervously.

Pearl walked around the temple, tracking down the smell. Her unusually large nose gave her a stronger sense of smell. She went to the bathroom first, but it smelt like air freshener, so it couldn't have come from the bathroom. Pearl continued her search, past the living room, through the kitchen, until she nearly gave up. It was then that she had realised where else she could check; the rooms. Her first suspicions were that the smell was emanating from somewhere in Amethyst's room, so that's where she went first. As soon as Pearl walked in, she already knew this was where it came from. The smell was so strong that Pearl had to grab an extra large peg to stop her extra large nose from burning, although it didn't help much because the peg wasn't big enough. She gave up on the peg and continued to look around, following the smell until she saw it; what had to be the world's largest pile of poo. Well, that would be a bit of an exaggeration. The pile was probably the size of a couch, and it must've been there for so long that it'd begun to stink really badly of rotten fish and meat. Pearl was absolutely disgusted.

Ruby had finally made it to Steven and the others outside. Sapphire smiled at Ruby. "What took you so long?" She tilted her head slightly, and it made Ruby go crazy. "I'm just..." said Peridot. "I'm just not sure..." Steven looked at Peridot. "Not sure about what?" Peridot snapped back into reality. "Oh... sorry Steven. I guess I just... spaced out, I guess." All of a sudden, Pearl approached Amethyst. "Amethyst?" Amethyst turned to look at Pearl. "Huh?" Pearl sighed. "Don't _'huh'_ me. I know what you've been hiding in your room." Amethyst looked at Pearl strangely, and everyone began to tune in. "Pearl, you were _in my room?!_ " Peridot whispered to Steven, "Ooh, somebody's busted." Steven couldn't help but to laugh, but he was forced to stifle it. Pearl looked rather unfazed by Amethyst's shock. "Why do you have a pile of... _poo_... in your room?" Amethyst shrugged. "It's my secret stash of food, for when I need a snack." Everyone looked at Amethyst strangely, and that's when Amethyst became uneasy. "What, am I not meant to eat poo?"

And in unison, everyone said to Amethyst, " _NO!_ "


End file.
